Category Archives: Poems for Writers

Ode on the Blessed Printer! #writersrhymes

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Ode on the blessed printer
(or “I wish I could make all submissions by email”)

I’ve just finished my story
It’s ready to submit
I’ve tweaked the dodgy plot line
Proof checked and re-checked it

So I fire up my printer
Plug in the USB
But my laptop does not recognise
The software that it sees

I wiggle all the cables
Until it finally connects
Then wait for several seconds
For the command to take effect

The printer starts to rumble
But the text’s a right schemozzle
Onscreen a warning light appears
I need to check my nozzles

I press the “OK” button
And watch the screen with dread
The problem clearly isn’t fixed:
Now I have to clean my heads

Then another warning light
A cartridge out of ink
And though I’m only printing black
I somehow still need pink

Next I fix the paper jam
Has the printer given up the ghost?
No, the pages finally tumble out –
But by now I’ve missed the post!

A Poem for National Poetry Day

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As you may already know, today is National Poetry Day – you can find out more here on the website: http://nationalpoetryday.co.uk/

In honour of this occasion, I thought it was about time I dusted off my most successful poem – winner of last year’s Writing magazine new subscribers poetry competition – and (having checked the competition post-publication rules!) reproduced it here for your entertainment.

 

The Midnight Demons

The smallest thing can start them off
A passing car, a spouse’s cough
A hot duvet, a touch of cramp
The light from a forgotten lamp

You struggle in your fleeting dream
Where things are not the way they seem
And surface into consciousness
In twisted bedclothes, restlessness

A deep desire to know the time
The thought of that day’s missed deadline
The chance of sleep is dead and gone
And that is when the demons come

They magnify each tiny fear
The barbed word you weren’t meant to hear
The torture of your crass mistakes
A thousand faults keep you awake

You toss and turn, all comfort gone
The demons raise the volume on
The ticking clock, the humming fridge
Your snoring spouse, the buzzing midge

You pull the covers around your head
Your pulse beats hard against the bed
Think happy thoughts, try counting sheep
Anything to get to sleep

But the demons won’t release their grip
Thoughts crowd in, your heartbeat skips
You’ll never ever get to sleep…
…next thing you hear: the alarm clock bleep

Your routine leaves no time to dwell
On pointless worry; a broken spell
The demons banished without a fight
Until, that is, the coming night…

 

If you would like more info on the competitions hosted by Writing magazine, you can visit their website here: https://www.writers-online.co.uk/writing-competitions/

 

The Brown Envelope of Doom

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The postman’s come too early
Before I’m quite prepared
I hear the clunk
My heart has sunk
Can’t look – I’m just too scared

There was me starting to think
This story had a chance
Success, good news
And rave reviews
And a six figure advance!

The envelope’s now battered
It lies there on the mat
The fold I made
Clearly displayed –
The boomerang is back

I sigh and read the letter
It’s short and oh so clear:
Not right for us
Don’t make a fuss
Good luck in your ‘career’

Update submission tracker
Compose a witty tweet
I’ll count to ten
And start again
And I won’t admit defeat!